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My husband (43) and I (32) have been married for 12 years and share two kids, a 10-year-old daughter and a 5-year-old son.<\/p>\n
I love my kids and always dreamed of a big family, but the reality is overwhelming. I handle everything\u2014cooking, cleaning, parenting, and working part-time from home. My husband \u201cprovides,\u201d but that\u2019s where his involvement ends. He\u2019s never changed a diaper, woken up at night, or taken the kids to a doctor. It\u2019s all me.<\/p>\n
Last month, my best friend invited me out for coffee. It was the first time in weeks I had a chance to get out of the house for something fun.<\/p>\n
\u201cEric, can you watch the kids for an hour?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m tired. I worked all week. Why don\u2019t you just take them with you?\u201d<\/p>\n
I sighed. \u201cBecause I want a break. It\u2019s just an hour. They\u2019ll be fine.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cKatie, you\u2019re the mom. Moms don\u2019t get breaks. My mom never needed breaks. Neither did my sister.\u201d<\/p>\n
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My jaw clenched. \u201cOh, so Brianna and Amber never felt overwhelmed? They never needed a minute to themselves?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cExactly,\u201d he said. \u201cThey managed just fine. You should, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEric, your mom and sister probably felt exactly like I do! They just never said it out loud because they knew no one would listen.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhatever. It\u2019s your job, Katie. You wanted kids. Now take care of them.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey\u2019re your kids, too!\u201d I said. \u201cWhen do you ever take care of them? When was the last time you helped Lily with her homework? Or played with Brandon? Or asked them how their day was?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI go to work to keep a roof over your head. That\u2019s enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, it\u2019s not!\u201d I shot back. \u201cProviding money isn\u2019t the same as being a parent. You\u2019re their father, Eric. They need you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, tough. I\u2019m not changing how things are.\u201d<\/p>\n
How did I end up married to someone so selfish?<\/p>\n
Some days later, Eric started mentioning having another baby.<\/p>\n
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For illustrative purpose only.
\nI couldn\u2019t believe what I was hearing. \u201cEric, I barely manage with the two we already have. And you want to add another?\u201d<\/p>\n
His brow furrowed, \u201cWhat\u2019s the big deal? We\u2019ve already done it twice. You know how it works.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s exactly the point,\u201d I said. \u201cI know how it works. I\u2019m the one who does all the work. I\u2019m the one up at night. I\u2019m the one running around like a lunatic, trying to keep everything together. You don\u2019t help.\u201d<\/p>\n
Eric\u2019s face darkened. \u201cI provide for this family, Katie. That\u2019s helping.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, it\u2019s not,\u201d I snapped. \u201cBeing a parent is more than just bringing home a paycheck.\u201d<\/p>\n
At that point, his mother, Brianna, who had stopped by earlier to \u201cvisit the kids\u201d with her daughter, walked into the kitchen.<\/p>\n
Eric sighed dramatically. \u201cMom, she\u2019s at it again. She keeps telling me I don\u2019t help with the kids.\u201d<\/p>\n
Brianna\u2019s lips pursed. \u201cKatie, sweetheart, you need to be careful. A man doesn\u2019t like to feel criticized by his wife.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not criticizing him. I\u2019m asking him to be a parent. There\u2019s a difference.\u201d<\/p>\n
Brianna continued, \u201cEric works hard to provide for this family. You should be grateful.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you\u2019re already blessed with two beautiful children,\u201d Brianna continued. \u201cWhy wouldn\u2019t you want another?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause I\u2019m exhausted,\u201d I said flatly. \u201cI\u2019m already doing everything by myself. Why would I want to make my life even harder?\u201d<\/p>\n
That\u2019s when Amber, Eric\u2019s sister, chimed in, stepping into the kitchen. \u201cHonestly, Katie, you sound a little spoiled. Mom raised both of us without complaining.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRight. And I\u2019m sure she never felt overwhelmed. She just kept quiet because no one would\u2019ve cared if she did.\u201d, I said with a bitter laugh.<\/p>\n
Amber\u2019s eyes narrowed. \u201cWell, maybe you need to toughen up. Women have been doing this for centuries. It\u2019s just what we do.\u201d<\/p>\n
I turned to Eric. \u201cThis is exactly what I\u2019m talking about. You\u2019re so stuck in this outdated mindset where women are expected to handle everything. It\u2019s not fair.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLife\u2019s not fair, Katie,\u201d Eric shrugged. \u201cDeal with it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Later that night, after Brianna and Amber had left, Eric brought up the third child again.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re making a big deal out of nothing,\u201d he said as we got ready for bed. \u201cWe\u2019ve got a good life. I take care of you and the kids. We should have another.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEric, you don\u2019t take care of me. Or the kids. You barely even know them.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re not the great dad you think you are,\u201d I continued. \u201cAnd I have zero interest in being a single mom to three kids. Two is hard enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
Eric didn\u2019t say anything. Instead, he stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Off to his mother\u2019s house, no doubt.<\/p>\n
The next morning, I was up early. My kids were at my sister\u2019s place. I\u2019d called her the night before, knowing I needed someone to lean on.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t expect Eric to come back right away, but I wasn\u2019t surprised when Brianna and Amber showed up instead.<\/p>\n
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For illustrative purpose only.
\n\u201cKatie, dear, you\u2019ve changed. You\u2019re not the sweet girl my son married.\u201d<\/p>\n
Brianna\u2019s comment hit me harder than I expected.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re right,\u201d I said. \u201cI\u2019m not that girl anymore. Eric married a teenager. Now, I\u2019m a woman who knows her worth.\u201d<\/p>\n
Brianna\u2019s face turned red. \u201cExcuse me?\u201d<\/p>\n
I crossed my arms. \u201cYou heard me. And honestly, if Eric has a problem with how I run my household, he should be here talking to me. Not sending you two to do it for him.\u201d<\/p>\n
Amber\u2019s voice was sharp. \u201cThat\u2019s not how family works. We support each other.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cReally? Funny how that support only ever seems to go one way.\u201d<\/p>\n
At that, my sister walked in. \u201cYou guys need to calm down. Otherwise, I can call the authorities.\u201d<\/p>\n
Brianna launched into a tirade about how I was \u201cruining\u201d her son\u2019s life, how I was a bad wife, and how my kids would grow up hating me.<\/p>\n
Brianna and Amber finally left a few minutes later, slamming the door behind them.<\/p>\n
Later that day, Eric came home.
\n\u201cYou insulted my mother and sister?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t insult anyone. I told them they had no right to interfere in our marriage.\u201d<\/p>\n
Eric\u2019s expression darkened. \u201cYou don\u2019t love me. You don\u2019t love the kids. You\u2019ve changed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI haven\u2019t changed, Eric. I\u2019ve grown up. There\u2019s a difference.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPack your things and leave,\u201d he demanded, pointing to the door. \u201cI can\u2019t live with you anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t argue. I packed my bags and stood at the door, ready to leave. I turned to him one last time.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe kids are staying here,\u201d I said. \u201cWhichever parent stays in this house will be responsible for them. They\u2019re not going anywhere.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWait\u2026 what?\u201d he asked. \u201cThat\u2019s not happening.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou heard me,\u201d I said calmly. \u201cYou wanted me gone, fine. But the kids stay.\u201d<\/p>\n
I walked out with my sister without listening to anything else Eric had to say.<\/p>\n
Ultimately, Eric refused to take custody of the kids, and I filed for divorce.<\/p>\n
In the end, I kept the house, got full custody, and received substantial child support payments. I\u2019m glad I stood up for myself before it was too late.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
My husband (43) and I (32) have been married for 12 years and share two kids, a 10-year-old daughter and a 5-year-old son. I love my kids… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":19644,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19643","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n