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<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
This has to be temporary. Matvey is just upset over the mess I made in the apartment. He\u2019ll cool down, realize he overreacted, and come home. That\u2019s how it\u2019s always been. We\u2019re a family. And soon, we\u2019ll have a child. Divorce? What divorce? That\u2019s ridiculous.<\/p>\n
I refuse to drown in self-pity. Instead, I force myself to clean up. I won\u2019t dwell on the fight or on Matvey\u2019s divorce filing. There\u2019s no point in stressing over something that will sort itself out. Worrying will only harm the baby.<\/p>\n
I throw myself into housework, clearing away the wreckage of my own rage. Shredded clothes, broken frames, torn papers\u2014I gather everything into trash bags until the apartment looks almost normal again. Then, I sit at my laptop, go to Matvey\u2019s favorite clothing store, and order replacements for everything I destroyed. Suits, ties, jeans, t-shirts. The courier will deliver them in a few days. It will be as if nothing happened.<\/p>\n
By the time I finish, it\u2019s past midnight. Still, I head to the kitchen and cook his favorite meal\u2014oven-roasted meat with grilled vegetables. I check the clock. It\u2019s half past one. He\u2019s not home. Fine. I won\u2019t call. Let him stay in a hotel tonight. He\u2019ll come back tomorrow.<\/p>\n
But the next day, Matvey doesn\u2019t come back. I push the creeping panic aside and keep myself busy. I dig out our wedding album and flip through the pages, reliving our happiest moments. Our wedding was perfect, exactly how I had imagined it. Then our honeymoon\u2014two weeks in a tropical paradise where we were inseparable. I was convinced our love was unbreakable.<\/p>\n
When another evening passes and Matvey is still gone, I struggle to suppress my anxiety. The thought of divorce tightens around me like a noose. I can\u2019t process it. My mind refuses to accept it. No. This can\u2019t be happening.<\/p>\n
By Monday, I realize that if I don\u2019t keep myself occupied, I\u2019ll lose my mind. I cook more of Matvey\u2019s favorite meals, expecting him to walk through the door at any moment. Borscht. His preferred salads. I keep checking my phone for messages. Normally, he texts me throughout the day. Now, silence.<\/p>\n
To stop myself from spiraling, I go to the beauty salon, indulging in every treatment they offer. Afterwards, I go on a shopping spree\u2014anything to keep my thoughts away from Matvey\u2019s absence. But the phone remains empty. No messages. No missed calls.<\/p>\n
The fear in my chest grows heavier. Desperate for a distraction, I call my friends and invite them for coffee. They all have busy careers and free evenings, while I was the only one who got married young. At twenty, I chose love over ambition, something they never quite understood.<\/p>\n
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<\/p>\n
A few of them agree to meet\u2014Polina, Rita, and Masha. They arrive at the caf\u00e9, tired from work but still full of energy. Polina is glowing from a promotion, Rita just got back from a vacation in Argentina, and Masha recently bought her own apartment.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo, what\u2019s new with you, Yulia?\u201d Rita asks. \u201cDon\u2019t tell me you\u2019re still playing the perfect housewife.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI guess I am,\u201d I say with a forced smile.<\/p>\n
They\u2019ve always teased me about dedicating myself entirely to Matvey. \u201cWhy did you go to university if you were just going to serve a man?\u201d they\u2019d joke. But they don\u2019t understand what it means to love someone completely. None of them have been in serious relationships. Masha lived with a guy for six months before it fell apart. Rita had countless flings, but nothing lasting. And Polina\u2014well, she has a list of impossible standards that no man could ever meet.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t tell them about my pregnancy. Or about the divorce. I don\u2019t want their pity, their questions, their unsolicited advice. And besides, Matvey won\u2019t actually go through with it. He won\u2019t leave me\u2014not now, not when I\u2019m carrying his child.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay, girls, I should go home,\u201d I say after a while.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s only eleven!\u201d Polina protests.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s late for a married woman,\u201d I joke.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, come on. You really think Matvey can\u2019t sleep without you?\u201d Rita teases.<\/p>\n
\u201cI hope he isn\u2019t sleeping,\u201d I reply, forcing a smirk.<\/p>\n
They roll their eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou dragged us out and now you\u2019re the first to leave?\u201d Masha sighs.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause I have a husband to go home to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe have work in the morning, but here we are,\u201d Rita adds.<\/p>\n
\u201cI really need to go,\u201d I insist, placing money on the table for my drink. \u201cThanks for meeting up.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFine,\u201d Rita pouts. \u201cWe\u2019ll stay a little longer.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, you girls enjoy.\u201d<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t wait for more protests. I leave the caf\u00e9 quickly, stepping out into the cold night air. I call for a taxi and wait. My hands tremble. I don\u2019t want to go home. I don\u2019t want to walk into an empty apartment.<\/p>\n
As the taxi drives through the dark streets, a poisonous thought slithers into my mind. *What if he\u2019s not in a hotel? What if he\u2019s with another woman?*<\/p>\n
No. That\u2019s impossible. Matvey wouldn\u2019t do that. He told me himself\u2014he\u2019s never cheated. And I believe him.<\/p>\n
But when I unlock the apartment door, silence greets me. Cold. Empty. My heart pounds. My fingers tremble as I step inside. He\u2019s still not back.<\/p>\n
Tears well up in my eyes. My breath hitches. I lean against the wall, struggling to hold myself together. But the weight of reality crashes over me like a tidal wave.<\/p>\n
Matvey is gone.<\/p>\n
I slide to the floor, pulling my knees to my chest, sobbing uncontrollably. I clutch my stomach, whispering to the child inside me. *What are we going to do now?*<\/p>\n
Eventually, I force myself to my feet. With shaking hands, I sit at my computer and log into the government website. A notification blinks at me.<\/p>\n
My heart stops.<\/p>\n
A sharp, unbearable pain rips through me. My body goes cold. Sweat beads along my spine. My temples pulse, pounding with the same horrifying truth:<\/p>\n
Matvey is gone. Forever.<\/p>\n
A strangled sob escapes my lips. I clap a hand over my mouth to silence my cry. But it\u2019s useless. The pain is too raw, too overwhelming.<\/p>\n
I stare at the screen, my vision blurred with tears. My fingers hover over the mouse.<\/p>\n
And then, as if possessed by some unseen force, I click **Confirm.**<\/p>\n
At that moment, something inside me shatters. The love I held onto so desperately\u2014the love that kept me blind, kept me hoping\u2014vanishes in an instant.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t feel sorrow anymore. I don\u2019t feel grief.<\/p>\n
Only one emotion remains.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This has to be temporary. Matvey is just upset over the mess I made in the apartment. He\u2019ll cool down, realize he overreacted, and come home. That\u2019s… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":21622,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-21621","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n