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<\/p>\nHe\u2019s still not a live-in person,\u201d said the wife in a strange, cold voice. \u201cJust come and talk to the doctor if you don\u2019t believe me.<\/p>\n
He\u2019s not a live one anyway,\u201d said the wife in an alien, cold voice.
\n\u201cWhy don\u2019t you come yourself and talk with the doctor if you don\u2019t believe me. They have nurses there\u2014everything will be provided for him. After all, they didn\u2019t invent this palliative care for nothing; everyone does it\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Ilya was born two months premature, and he was immediately taken to the intensive care unit. At first nothing was said, then a glimmer of hope appeared\u2014he began breathing on his own, and he started gaining weight. When he was finally discharged, he was still so tiny that Vasily was afraid to hold him, lest he inadvertently hurt him even more. But when little Ilyusha would wake up and quietly cry during the night, Inga wouldn\u2019t go to him, and Vasily had to gradually get used to that. Moreover, Inga refused to take him to the doctors, claiming that it was all because of the doctors, insisting that she had submitted all the tests and even done the ultrasound, and they said everything was fine. But is that really fine? Three months old, and he still can\u2019t hold his head up.<\/p>\n
Vasily himself began scheduling appointments with various doctors, listening to incomprehensible medical jargon that left him tongue-tied, and having tests done with his son\u2014each time closing his eyes childishly while the nurse struggled to find a vein. Eventually, he managed to see the genetic specialists at the regional center, who explained that Ilya could be helped, but that he needed special medications. That\u2019s why Vasily went to work on a rotational (contract) basis\u2014a friend had been inviting him for a long time, and they paid well there\u2014but Inga wouldn\u2019t let him go. And now there was no way out. So he left. He thought that his son was safe with Inga, and that everything was alright, but it turned out otherwise. And his grandmother never said a word, though he had the sense that she was hiding something from him.<\/p>\n
\u201cEverything\u2019s fine, son, just keep working,\u201d she repeated.<\/p>\n
As it turned out, all this time it was the grandmother who had been going to the hospital with Ilyusha\u2014talking to him, applying anti-decubitus cream, and giving him massages. Meanwhile, Inga had resumed work, without telling him. She only admitted the truth when Vasily informed her that he would be coming on a month\u2019s vacation.<\/p>\n
\u201cInga, he\u2019s our son!\u201d Vasily fumed. \u201cWhat palliative care? Why do I even work then? The doctor said the medications\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat medications!\u201d shrieked Inga. \u201cHave you even seen him? You haven\u2019t been here for half a year, so don\u2019t tell me how I should be doing things! I\u2019m still young, and I want to live for myself. Besides, you can always have another child. I don\u2019t want, as a mother, to spend my whole life changing diapers!\u201d<\/p>\n
Inga\u2019s younger brother had cerebral palsy, and when they first met, Vasily was mesmerized by how delicate and refined Inga was as she carried her brother, seated him in a chair, and read him stories aloud. That is essentially what made him fall in love with her. But it seemed that Inga\u2019s love was enough only for her brother.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you don\u2019t bring our son home, I\u2019m filing for divorce,\u201d Vasily threatened.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen file away! Is that your only weapon? I managed just fine without you all this time, and I\u2019ll continue to do so.\u201d<\/p>\n
He never truly expected her to leave. Yet Inga left\u2014even before he arrived, she was gone. She handed the apartment keys to his grandmother, who had long suspected everything but had not told Vasily\u2014for during those six months, Inga had found somewhere else to live.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t worry, son, we\u2019ll manage. I\u2019ll help you with Ilyusha, but you\u2019ll have to find work here\u2014I can\u2019t handle him alone.\u201d<\/p>\n
Vasily understood all too well\u2014the grandmother had been ill for a long time and needed care herself, yet he couldn\u2019t repay her debt; he just couldn\u2019t split himself in two.<\/p>\n
Vasily had been raised by his grandmother. His mother\u2014a quite successful singer\u2014had once brought him to her grandmother\u2019s care for a month but never retrieved him. She sent money faithfully while he was in school, and then, it seems, she decided that she\u2019d had enough and could manage on her own. In his youth, he always believed that his mother loved him; it was just that her life was complicated\u2014concerts, filming, fans\u2026 He even went to one of her concerts\u2014buying an enormous bouquet of roses, dreaming of presenting them to her, of her recognizing him and rejoicing, even exclaiming from the stage, \u201cThat\u2019s my son!\u201d<\/p>\n
But things turned out very differently: first she ignored him for a long time, then finally she accepted the bouquet without even looking at it and carelessly tossed it into a corner. And Vasily had spent nearly his entire salary on that bouquet. After the concert, he struggled to get backstage, tried to explain that he was her son, but his mother wouldn\u2019t let him in. She instructed someone to pass on that she was tired and would call back. He waited for her call for a month, never leaving the phone. But the call never came.<\/p>\n
In time, he stopped thinking about her, and if her song came on the radio, he would immediately change the station, not wanting to listen even though he once knew every word by heart. His grandmother had become both the father he never had and the mother he needed. And now Inga had taken on the role of mother for Ilyusha\u2014caring for him as best she could\u2014while Vasily secured a job with a normal schedule so that the grandmother wouldn\u2019t become overly exhausted. Inga didn\u2019t even call, unlike his mother\u2014at least she would sometimes pretend that she had a child.<\/p>\n
\u201cVasya, I had the strangest, most vivid dream last night,\u201d the grandmother once recounted. \u201cYour dear grandfather (rest in peace) asked me to fetch water for him from the well. I said, \u2018How can I carry it when my legs won\u2019t work?\u2019 And he said, \u2018Everyone\u2019s legs work here.\u2019 I looked down and saw the grass so green\u2014vibrant and soft, like fluff. I stepped on it, and my legs slid along effortlessly without even hurting! I fetched the water and then, just before leaving, I peeked into the well. And there, I saw you, dressed in a suit and tie, with a very pretty girl beside you, her cheeks dotted with dimples, and she was wearing a veil. I felt in my bones that with such a dream, you\u2019ll find yourself a good wife\u2014not that wild-haired one!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGrandma, what kind of wife! If his real mother wasn\u2019t willing to care for Ilyusha, who will?\u201d<\/p>\n
Then, the next day, the grandmother didn\u2019t wake up. So it seemed that the \u2018dream in hand\u2019 wasn\u2019t for him after all\u2014now she fetches water for grandfather, not little Ilyusha.<\/p>\n
Vasily was at a loss about what to do next. His mother helped with the funerals, even coming in person, yet expenses still piled up, and it was mortifying to have to ask her. But a few weeks later, the mother herself called and said:<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve found a nurse for your son. I\u2019ll pay for her, don\u2019t you worry.\u201d<\/p>\n
Vasily was astounded by his mother\u2019s generosity, and he almost wanted to refuse, to say he didn\u2019t need anything from her, but then he reconsidered\u2014pride had no place now when his son\u2019s medication was running out.<\/p>\n
For some reason, he had expected an experienced, mature woman\u2014he had seen many in hospitals while taking Ilyusha, and almost all of them in his grandmother\u2019s youth were similar\u2014businesslike, straightforward, knowing exactly what to do. But apparently, his mother decided to cut costs even here\u2014she sent a recent graduate, a young woman who immediately confessed that it was her first job.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t worry, I took special courses and I can handle everything,\u201d she said briskly, though her voice trembled.<\/p>\n
He could have called his mother to say that this nurse wouldn\u2019t be able to manage Ilyusha, but he didn\u2019t feel like talking to her at all. So Vasily decided to wait\u2014perhaps those courses would indeed prove useful.<\/p>\n
The girl\u2019s name was Marina. And she called him every half hour.<\/p>\n
\u201cVasily Petrovich, is it normal that he hiccups?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHold him upright. And put something warm against his back\u2014you can warm a towel with an iron.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cVasily Petrovich, he\u2019s breathing so laboriously, I\u2019m scared!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMarina, an inhaler\u2014I told you\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
And so it went on.<\/p>\n
After a couple of weeks, she got the hang of things and seemed to manage better. However, Vasily had to switch jobs\u2014her workday lasted until six, and he had to get home on time. So he ended up taking a job on a construction site, where the hours were flexible, but everything was off the books. They promised a good wage, but then\u2026<\/p>\n
Now, Vasily spent his weekends with his son\u2014this girl couldn\u2019t work on weekends even for extra pay, because she was studying Chinese, you see. She babbled on about wanting to intern somewhere, to study acupuncture. Marina was amusing, naive; she wasn\u2019t nearly as meticulous as his grandmother\u2014his grandmother always trusted the TV, whereas this one trusted the internet.<\/p>\n
On Ilyusha\u2019s birthday, however, Marina did come on her day off\u2014she brought him a balloon (which he absolutely adored) and a hand-knitted overall. Vasily was so touched that he invited her over for tea\u2014he\u2019d even bought a cake for the occasion. Then, all together they went for a walk\u2014dressing Ilyusha in a new overall, placing him in a stroller, and tying a balloon to it so he could watch it sway. Vasily knew that by his son\u2019s next birthday, he might not even live to see that day, and just thinking of it made it hard to breathe. Yet in that moment, as he wheeled him down a sunny street, and the balloon strived to soar upward, succumbing to the gentle autumn breeze, his heart felt light.<\/p>\n
It was only later that he noticed Inga\u2014only when they stopped at a pedestrian crossing did his eyes fall on her overdone makeup. Nearby, some of her similarly dressed friends appeared, apparently on their way to an event. Inga didn\u2019t immediately notice him, and her face flushed and broke out in spots. She turned away, murmured something to her friends, and hurried to the opposite side of the street.<\/p>\n
\u201cWho\u2019s that?\u201d asked Marina, noticing the tension in his gaze.<\/p>\n
Vasily slowly exhaled and answered, \u201cNobody.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, that\u2019s good,\u201d she said with a smile.<\/p>\n
He had never seen her smile before. The dimples on Marina\u2019s cheeks suddenly appeared, and it reminded him of something\u2014though he couldn\u2019t quite pinpoint what. The blue balloon against the equally blue sky stood out as vividly as his own pounding heart.<\/p>\n
Still, his salary never came through. The medication was running low, and Vasily saw no other way out\u2014so he had to call his mother.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo I not help you enough?\u201d she snapped irritably. \u201cDo you know how much I pay this girl? What kind of man are you, unable to earn enough for the medication?\u201d<\/p>\n
Shame seized Vasily; his breathing caught for a moment. Could it truly be that he couldn\u2019t provide for his own son? He hung up the phone and lowered his head\u2014how he longed for his grandmother to come over, put a hand on his shoulder, and tell him that everything would be alright\u2026<\/p>\n
Soon, light footsteps were heard, and Marina appeared in the kitchen doorway, holding an envelope in her hands.<\/p>\n
\u201cHere,\u201d she said, placing it on the table.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat is this?\u201d Vasily asked, puzzled.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s for the medication. For Ilyusha.\u201d<\/p>\n
He couldn\u2019t fathom what it all meant.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour mother paid me. She paid well, don\u2019t worry. I was saving up for a trip to China, but now I don\u2019t need it\u2014I live with my parents, I have everything.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut what about your trip\u2026\u201d Vasily stuttered.<\/p>\n
Marina merely shrugged.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere would I go now\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
She smiled shyly again, and once more the dimples appeared on her cheeks. Suddenly, Vasily remembered his grandmother and her dream. He blushed deeply\u2014so much so that even his hair seemed to redden, though he couldn\u2019t understand why.<\/p>\n
\u201cTake it,\u201d she insisted. \u201cIt\u2019s the right thing to do.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll return everything,\u201d Vasily rasped, clearing his throat as he asked, \u201cAnd since you\u2019re not going to China, maybe you could come over to our place on the weekend? We could take a walk like last time\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Marina smiled once again and replied,<\/p>\n
\u201cWith pleasure\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
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He\u2019s still not a live-in person,\u201d said the wife in a strange, cold voice. \u201cJust come and talk to the doctor if you don\u2019t believe me. He\u2019s… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":25448,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-25447","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n