My story revolves around how my ex-husband’s new girlfriend uncovered a truth about him that I had grown too comfortable with during our marriage. Through one significant question, she taught me a valuable lesson about self-love after reaching out to me unexpectedly.

It’s been five years since my divorce from Ben, with whom I spent 13 years and raised two wonderful kids. Despite our separation, we’ve managed to stay on good terms and co-parent effectively. Ben recently started seeing someone new, Lisa, and I agreed to meet her at our eldest’s 16th birthday dinner, even though I had hoped to meet her one-on-one first.

Lisa was friendly and eager to fit in, which was reassuring. However, I noticed how attentive she was to Ben—a side of him I hadn’t seen during our marriage. This struck me as odd but I chalked it up to new relationship excitement.

The evening took an unusual turn when my daughter handed me a birthday card from Ben. This surprised me because Ben had never been one to remember such occasions. Lisa, noticing my surprise, commented that Ben had forgotten her birthday too and asked if his forgetfulness was intentional.

I laughed, recalling the many missed anniversaries and special days during our marriage. “It’s just who he is,” I said. “He’s never been great with these things.”

Later that night, I received a text from Lisa asking if Ben ever changed regarding birthdays and anniversaries. She wanted to know if it was worth expecting more from him. I debated whether to warn her but decided it wasn’t my place. I replied, “He’s my ex for a reason. It’s something you’ll need to figure out together.”

Months later, Ben called to tell me he and Lisa had broken up. He was frustrated that Lisa had made a big deal out of missed special occasions, which led to their breakup. I felt a pang of guilt, wondering if my response had influenced their relationship.

When I ran into Lisa at the store, she looked tired but smiled when she saw me. She shared that she couldn’t deal with feeling unimportant and that Ben hadn’t valued her efforts. I sympathized with her, acknowledging that everyone deserves to be appreciated.

Reflecting on this, I realized that while Ben had his flaws, I had learned to accept them and move on. I understood the importance of valuing oneself and being valued by others. My life was full of love from my children and a sense of peace I hadn’t felt in a long time.

In the end, the lesson was clear: it’s not about birthdays or anniversaries, but about finding someone who truly values you. I was content with my life and hopeful for the future, knowing that both Lisa and I deserved to be appreciated for who we are.